THE ORDEAL OF BATTLE
Except for my crying there is not a sound. Just the wind. A car rushes by, maybe ten feet from my head. No strength to stand. It’s gone before I think about screaming for help. In the sky, I see a million blinking eyes of light. The words of the wind take shape, “Pray to Jesus, He will save you.”
Another car. Wind, make it stop. Jesus, make it stop. My stomach starts to tighten. What will I look like when they find me? A car again. Gravel pops beneath the tires as it brakes.
I can see them all, their heads above me, suspended around my bed. They are chanting to me, beckoning me. The Angels. “Do you believe in Jesus Christ our Lord? He saved you from the jaws of Satan.”Do you believe in Jesus Christ our Lord? He saved you from the Jaws of Satan.”
Mom and Dad came. He walked past my bed and stared out the window at the brick wall on the other side. He said he had to take off four days of work, and then drive two days all night to get here. Her eyes were red. She kept twisting a kleenex around her finger. I told her about the Angels. How they sang in the wind, and lifted me from the mud. I remembered. I was saved from the jaws of Satan.
Going home, laying in the back of the station wagon, my leg in plaster is sticking straight in the air. They keep talking to me, asking questions. “Michael, how did it happen?” “ Michael, where did it happen?” “Why did you go away?” I can barely hear them. I can’t answer. I’m listening to the Angels chanting. So that I’ll remember. “Jesus Christ our Lord. He saved me from the Jaws of Satan”.
Shadows leap across my room as the flickering candle burns down. The night wind blows, sending a chill through my body. A snowflake lands, and quickly melts into a tear. I think about standing up. My legs are cramped. My knees throb from pressing into the hardwood floor. Eight days I haven’t taken food. Hunger burns in my belly. I thrust it out with all my will. I am delivered from Satan, now flesh is my sacrifice to him. My eyes sting. I close them for a moment and start to feel sleep come.
No. Pray. I’ll pray until I see His light. Just as there was no beginning, my prayers will never end. The angels help, they’re singing with me, whispering by my side. “Save me from destruction, bring me to redemption, bathe me in your light.” My eyes squeezed tight, I see a point of light. Racing, it screams toward me. It fills the space around me. We’re all rejoicing, our song is deafening, we’re held inside His light. His light’s within me. I feel it burning. It’s seared into my soul.
“Michael Michael”, they call me back. They’re pounding at my door. They scream at my flesh. Block them out. Shove them down. Their screams jerk out His light.
My body’s heavy. My weight presses me down into the bed. I turn my head to look out the window. It’s small and high. The light shines through in a single ray as though coming from the end of a long tunnel.
They strapped my arms and legs before they brought me here. They gorged me. Every day they make me eat.
I look at the tube stuck into my arm. It’s long, and thin and shiny. They put it there. Slowly, it sucks out my light, while the sleep drug drips in.
Rear inside cover.
Dormancy is their weapon. Sanctity is mine. Coffee, pacing, smoking help to push the drugs away. All night long I prayed to Him, on into the dawn. I felt the warmth of His light laying just beyond my prayers. I rejoiced. The angels are guarding my light. When I renounce myself in prayer to Him, I will own my light again. It’s a battle, I will win it. I will be His light on earth.
Yesterday, I saw the doctor. She asked how I was feeling. I told her I was joyous, my angels came and gave me back the light. With smiling eyes she asked more questions, and then she told me I could leave. After breakfast they came and got me for injection. I told them no. They had it wrong. I had another week before they could burden me with sleep. They grinned at me and grabbed my arm, laughing silently to each other
Next time I see her, I won’t tell her. I can’t bless her with my vision. Now I’ve seen her as Satan, stealer of the Light.
I’m in her room. My angels flank me. My mouth speaks the words she wants to here. I see no more visions. There is no light other than that which shines upon me now. I agree they were harmful delusions- just a figment of my sick mind. It was the drugs that especially helped me. “Yes, I’m getting enough to eat”.
She smiles and recognizes my submission. She’s tethered another mind. I laugh with my angels at her weakness. For I know that Satan is easiest to dominate as his servant. Selfless, I am the avenue of Holy Light into the world.
