Continuation of Journal 5 12-7-22 We’re continuing to work through the journals. I’m wondering who will read this, when and where? What sort of impact will it have?
Another snapshot of an epic night with the band. If nothing else, Utopia Rising was a celebration of friendships.
And We are God
it’s ten fifty,
Saturday night.
Boy’s jammin’ in the basement.
Things are fine, alright.
There’s a meal a simmering.
Tonight we’re breaking bread.
Food and friends, we’re kicking back.
Cool, laid back, ahead.
.
Stray tomcat here,
Aquariums full of fish.
We’re finding harmony in friends.
To dream, to pray, to wish.
The moon spins round the earth and stars.
And we, as sons, arise.
talk of fate, and mystic light.
What makes a true soul wise?
Mama’s recipes a’simmering,
The few here find our way.
Beat the drum, bring forth new songs.
Again, the break of day.
The brew, the smoke, the broken rules,
All in this earthly path.
And pray for strength and glory.
To escape the foretold wrath.
Strike up the band, in magical light.
And play the holy power.
This old house arockin’ roll,
into the early hour.
And God is, the world is ours.
And one cold copper cent,
isn’t worth a piece of dirt,
until it’s gone and spent.
We dance the floor,
spin and step,
the courage just to dance.
Christie, Peter, Brian, Justin,
Danny, Tim, and Lance.
So bright the light, and hot the stove.
In flight, in light, I’m free.
My breath be joy, and joy you are.
It’s Heaven just to be.
My breath be joy, and joy you are.
It’s Heaven just to be.
Utopia Rising – Free association
Shoot down the stars.
Explode the moon.
We’re killing ourselves just to live.
Let the children lead.
Reach out.
Envelope.
Dissolve.
Good breakaway.
Exactly!
I’ll teach you to be free!!
Spiritual heart transplant.
Let darkness wilt and die.
Death to fade away.
The seed of Christ,
now bursting into life,
within our souls.
And so we learn.
Audio medicine.
To Higher Ground
One foot step,
then another.
The strong man
bound in chains.
Linked to
one another.
He’s taken on
our pains.
Bound to
human kind.
A mystery
now to tell.
Saving strength within,
I find.
To haul these souls from hell.
To shed all doubt and fear,
this day.
To carry on the flame.
To spread
the light,
brighten the night.
and carry on
His name.
So linked
to saving brilliance.
we hear
the tolling bell.
The poem, the Word,
the song, the dance.
And haul
these souls from hell.
One day,
then another.
With love were robed and crowned
Come sister, now,
come brother.
were off to higher ground.
Chained and robed
by His sweet love.
I plead
have faith in me.
The sunrise,
then the mountaintop,
and God’s eternity.
The sunrise
and the stars at night.
And God’s eternity.
Powerful Rites
I crafted a set of observances that helped me. I think that each person should have their personal rites. Things that bind us to the Lord. Here is an example.
THE WHITE STONE MENTIONED IN REVELATIONS HAS A NEW NAME UPON IT THAT NO ONE ELSE KNOWS. I interpret this to be a personal rite I alone do to honor God.
Annihilate the devourer. Cast out the destroyer. Destroying sloth.
Ring the bell of prayer, and bow thy head three times a day.
Clothe thyself with chastity, and reverence toward God.
Abstain from flesh, one day each week. maybe two.
A tenth of thy increase unto God’s house.
Sit in silence for twenty minutes each new moon and speak thy sins to God.
Then break bread and share wine.
Hold faithfully in this formation.
Giddy up Scout
Giddy up scout.
Let’s get going.
Giddy up scout,
we’re on our way.
Into the wood,
and up the mountain.
Poet write,
musician play.
Our train just left the station.
Left behind that filthy town.
The crack, the whores, the hacks, the bores.
The dream now leads us on.
The young ones
teach a subtle truth.
A quiet, holy peace.
Though never having prayed to God,
they so deeply think and see.
They question me for hunting.
I claim to walk in peace.
Different men
walk different paths.
They see I’m strong and free.
To shed the lies,
grow strong and bright.
See the light
at last.
Let them see
that Christ is life,
to share,
and play and fast.
To live
the Revolution,
as cardinal, Christ, and king.
Create
an earthly paradise
And drink
the cold pure spring.
Giddy up scout,
let’s get going.
Giddy up scout,
we’re on our way.
Leave the world below behind.
May it be a brand new day.
Leave the world below behind.
May it be a brand new day.
Deer Hunting 1997
The sun rises and sets.
The deer walks the wooded path.
The river flows.
The hunter stands alone, in the snowy woods.
The caissons go rolling along.
Refrigerator Magnet Poems
Take shadowed summers
to the moon.
And cry purple winters into spring.
gift
Flood of love
shadow cry,
ask eternity
whisper
white rose petal sunshine.
diamond worship chant
wind light vision
essential mother rock
dream together
winter into spring.
Water, Milk and Wine
Life as water flowing,
make fresh the seeking soul.
Time ever onward going,
the tower bells to toll.
The wine of friendship
shared in peace.
The life, the way within.
Freedom, power, truth, release.
We will, we walk, we win.
Milk, a gentle caring.
Make strong the weak, the new.
The veil is surely tearing,
behold that hid from view.
Blood as life, a death that saves.
Brotherhood so sure.
Our boat is rocking on the waves.
The saving sea so pure.
Immersed in cleansing waters.
Saved by holy blood.
Strengthened, fed, by milk and wine,
fall now the saving flood.
Strengthened, fed, by milk and wine.
Fall flames, redeeming flood.
Christmas Poem 1997
For many years, I wrote a poem on every Christmas day. They come to the surface one by one, as I type through these journals. Life was all about the house, the family, the traditions, and the spark of God’s spirit, which was love.
The house was in Amherst, a thousand acres of woods in back, but just twenty minutes from the airport. There were five bedrooms, three baths. Cross roads of the universe. Room for everyone. Mom loved to decorate. And Boy, did she ever decorate! Of course, I was always conscripted to the cause. Lights inside and out. Trees and wreathes, and pixies and elves. And gifts under the tree. Piles of gifts for everyone. And not to forget the stockings over the fireplace.
And then the entire special, traditional cooking. Venison and calamari on Christmas Eve. Chicken soup, lasagna and turkey on Christmas day. Olive salad, cranberry, cheeses, pickles, fennel. Wines and champagnes.
And then pies, cookies and pastries, and liqueurs for dessert. And always a bowl of nuts. The conversations went long. It was often my duty to play a couple Christmas carols after dinner. But I had to help with the cleanup too.
And do not forget the cold turkey sandwich late in the evening. Gathering in the family room. Sometime TV specials, sometimes a fire and conversation.
Mom and Dad did all this. They created perfect moments, and memories. Magnificent celebrations, over and over again. Year after year. Decade after decade. We had FAMILY, in the truest sense of the word. It was visionary, though I did not realize it at the time. I am who I am today because we were family. From tragedy to celebration. From the ditch, to the cell, to the celebration, we were family!
Again, a Christmas morning,
this old house a bustling.
Clanging in the kitchen.
Christmas wraps arustling.
The fire, food, music the mood.
A spark is in the air.
To church and back, then meet the plane.
The presents that we share.
Then I stop to think a bit,
about the reason for this day,
And close the door, knees on the floor,
and take the time to pray.
Have I been a proper witness
to the Lord’s love this past year?
I’ve about giving up the preaching,
it just offends the ear.
Hoping that the Gospel flows,
through what I think and do.
Build friendships on unspoken faith,
in faith a life that’s true.
And now on Christmas morning,
I wish I had a gem,
to share with all the folks I love,
the star o’er Bethlehem.
Yes, the shepherds and the wise men,
followed this sacred light.
This light was sent from Heaven,
to guide us through Earth’s night.
So I bid my dear loved ones,
as we live this Christmas day,
to take a quiet moment,
to bow one’s head and pray.
Yes, I thank Thee, Lord Above.
You bless our life, our way.
Sending us your saving son,
that first bright Christmas day.
And help me be a guiding light,
in this life you’ve given me,
A flame glows steady, warm and bright,
in faith’s eternity.
A flame grows steady, warm and bright,
in faith’s eternity.
Sandy Indian Joe
Sandy Indian Joe.
Shamaness.
Medicine woman,
in Light’s kingdom.
Morphs into a flying serpent,
Allie in the caves of the netherworld.
She flies away ahead of me,
then overtakes me from behind.
Almost knowing who she is.
The Great I Am within.
Alive within the waking dawn.
Sandy Indian Joe.
Thought: How difficult it is, at times, to keep kindness to one’s parents.
True Victory
True victory lives
as life within.
Alive in God,
and He in thee.
Clouds arise,
and rain shall fall,
into the streams,
unto the sea.
The towering tree
drinks from the earth.
Then sheds it’s leaves,
fertility.
Sons of Adam,
plow the earth.
bring forth life,
in death, a birth.
My soul reborn,
freedom rings.
Silently,
within.
Born in pain,
alive again.
Winter,
then the spring.
Fear not
life’s end.
Be truth,
my friend.
A son be born,
a sun to rise,
as twilight falls,
in darkened skies.
True victory.
Know He in thee.
We, in Him,
eternally.
he has promised
life in peace,
for those who seek
His radiant face.
Look not to
the aimless masses
to see
the rising sun.
For Victory
is life within,
and deep in God,
our victory won.
For Victory
is life within,
and deep in God,
our victory won.
Kind Servants – Hospital Guards
There were workers on the wards that were genuinely good people. They showed us kindness, and looked out for us. They cared for and guarded our lives. Not all the ward workers were saints. Some were monsters, as bad as any of the inmates. But to those that were genuine caregivers, we owe our lives.
Mark Williams,
hospital attendant.
African American.
He treated the patients as brothers.
Honest man.
Spence Goodell.
Protector.
Caregiver.
ex-marine.
He labored to lead us
from the dungeons of our minds.
Mac McDonald.
Ex-boxer.
Nurturer and healer.
He served us coffee and cookies on Sunday Afternoons.
And created peace amidst insanity.
He found joy in showing kindness.
Mark,
Spence,
Mac,
protected us by their presence,
from predators in many forms.
They protected us
from our selves.
The keepers
who kept our lives.
Heroic at times.
Good men,
who will live and die
unnoticed,
unacknowledged,
unthanked.
Mark,
Spence,
Mac,
may eternal life be your reward.
And Heaven,
one day,
be your home.
Answered Prayers
I bowed my head in prayer,
and for these things I asked.
Lord, I prayed, send flowers.
He sent straw.
Send wine, I prayed.
He sent water.
I asked for sunshine and warm days.
He sent to me a coat.
For fame, I prayed.
He sent labor.
I prayed for riches.
Then found faith.
I prayed for healing,
He sent acceptance.
I prayed for a lover.
He sent warm blankets.
I prayed for community.
Then found my family’s love.
I prayed for a summer in the mountains.
He gave me a week upon the hill.
I prayed for friendship.
A cat came to my door.
Asking guidance,
I was given Scripture.
And peace.
I grow older.
I prayed for life.
He sent the promise of Heaven.
I prayed for reigning king.
He sent a bleeding Savior.
I prayed for you my friend.
And then I saw you smile.
Yes, I see.
The Lord does answer prayer.
The Lord
does
answer
prayer.
1 Corinthians 13:4-13
Love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, is not pretentious, is not puffed up, is not ambitious, is not self seeking, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice over wickedness, but rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails. Whereas prophecies will disappear, and tongues will cease, and knowledge will be destroyed. For we know in part, and prophecy in part, but when that which is perfect is come, that which is imperfect will be done away with.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child. Now that I have become a man, I have put away the things of a child. We see now through a mirror though darkly. But then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know even as I have been known. So then abide in faith, hope, and love, these three, but the greatest of these three is love.
Priestly Calling
But that I become thy bread,
nourishing thy soul.
And thy wine I be.
Forgiveness, new life.
God’s blood,
is this cup I raise.
Drink deeply.
Christ in this sacred moment.
A bridge, a boat,
across the stormy sea.
All who are mine
must pass over this water.
Taste of bread and wine.
True life, and saving sign.
Yes,
bread and wine,,
I am called to be.
I have become thy friend.
I have become thy bread and wine.
Old Song
May the long time sun shine upon you.
All love surround you.
And the sweet life within you,
guide your way on.
Thought
I bless the painful and difficult circumstances through which I have lived, for it is through them I have been transformed.
The Father’s Sin
1.)
Looking inward, upon this life,
It now appears to me,
The reason for this life of strife,
I now begin to see.
I have been blessed with a sacred curse.
I see, as I look within.
To share now in this verse,
I bear the Father’s sin.
I shoulder unending pain.
Without hope of reward.
To give without the hope of gain,
bound by generation’s cord.
For when I stood,
and faced the light,
gave my soul to good,
to fight the fight.
A voice from the dark,
asked of me,
“Seek though holiness a mark”?
sarcastically.
“Then purge thy life,
of all thy sin,
Your own grey strife,
those borne within”.
From the dark deeds
of ten thousand years.
Mothers who did not heed.
And fathers who did not fear.
Have passed their sin
down to thee.
Dark hell’s din,
eternity.
“You do not know
of what you seek,
You ask for woe,
a life so bleak”.
For in asking to be
purified,
to be set free,
sanctified.
One must break the chains
of a thousand men,
bear the sins
for those who’ve been
Before you can holy be,
break the chain,
be pure and free,
you must bear the pain.
“So face thy shrine,
in this thy morn.
The sun shall rise,
but thy soul be torn”.
“For when you asked for sanctity”,
said the serpents of ten thousands years,
“You knew not what you asked of me,
but sorrow, pain, and tears”.
2.)
“Well fly”, he sings,
saith evil’s night.
“You’ve earned thy wings”
“You’ve won the fight”.
Borne the hell,
and lived the pain,
Shattered shell,
endured the rain.
Now breaketh dawn,
and come thy spring.
Birth the fawn,
and take to wing.
For evil done
extends his hand.
He says “you’ve won”,
“thy mark, thy stand”.
I did not know, nor harbor fears,
when I asked to be made pure,
the demons of ten thousand years
would have to be endured.
I have borne the sacred curse, I see.
Thy mother’s sin, and father’s deed.
And now have won a purity,
a gallant courser, mighty steed.
Chains are broken,
hells endured.
The truth is spoken.
I am made pure.
Chains are broken,
hells endured.
The truth is spoken.
I am made pure
In the Garden
I realized,
this morning,
as I knelt in the wet garden,
digging at, and pulling out
the all too courageous
smiling faced
enthusiastic
dandelions.
The earth
it’s silent soul,
will tell you nothing.
it
only
lets
you
know.
Truth is a House
Truth is a house,
a dwelling framed by the ten commandments.
Spirit Energy.
A home we hope
and desire
to live within.
Biblical Dichotomy.
One Biblical scripture, in Isaiah, says that whenever the word is spoken, it will always have its beneficial and positive influence.
Another scripture says “cast not thy pearl before swine, lest they trample them, and turn and rend you”.
This is a Biblical dichotomy, a seeming contradiction.
Aura Created and Sustained
The Spirit warrior creates an aura around himself, through prayer, hard work, charity and self denial.
While these sacrifices themselves work as weapons against darkness and sin, the aura created is an effective force against all evil, as well.
You were gainful in building your boat. You will be gainful in sailing your vessel, as well.
Proverb: A regular and steady discipline is far more effective than occasional grand gestures.
Many Leaves
Many leaves draw nourishment from one branch.
Many branches draw nourishment from one tree.
Many trees draw nourishment from one earth.
And many earths, perhaps, draw their lives from God.
Thought: God’s hand has set Creation in motion. He animates creation, ands intervenes, at will.
The Gold Sun turns
I remember the times
I could not reach my freedom.
For liberty existed on the far side
of a metal sky.
Today the pure joy of life remains.
The gold sun turns.
only,
patiently,
simple,
pure.
I Will Go Lord
Night time on the psych ward was a scary time. It was as if the ward was a gate into hell. And in the darkness of night the gate was opened, and Satan’s angels were there to escort souls to hell. The deeper into hell one descended, the more difficult the coming to the surface would be. And from the deepest hells, there could be no resurrection, save God’s merciful intercession alone.
!.)And every night as I lay asleep,
my spirit would fall,
into a vast and horrid hell.
A horrible disfigurement
over me would come.
So terrible my spirit
could not enunciate
The praises of the Lord.
My mind said,
“this cannot be!”
“I did not sin, knowingly.
For I was young,
when I fell into sin”.
“How can it be,
these sins of my youth
could damn my eternal soul”?
“And how can it be,
this hell be for eternity?’
For wisdom saith,
“nothing for eternity can be”.
2.) Then saith God’s voice,
“I shall deliver thee,
if you, from hell, can speak my name,
if you to me can praises sing”.
Of course I can, I thought.
But from my mouth
praises could not come.
For my eternal spirit
was disfigured, maimed, and dumb.
For hell is for all eternity,
unless your twisted soul
can praise Jesus
from sufferings’ pit.
Cry and lament,
dear children,
for from hell
can no Praises raise.
3.)My son, saith God,
I have chosen you to lead the nations.
For this I have shown you,
to fear me and to walk in holiness.
I writhed and struggled to form my mouth
into Holy Praises.
I did not know, did not believe, could not know, could not believe.
And by God’s mercy alone I awoke,
as my mouth and face, and all the parts of me
that had been lost in ungodly suffering
formed their first praises.
“Praise you Yahweh”.
Praise you Yeshua”.
“ Praise you Holy Spirit”.
I ascended from the depths,
with God’s praises on my lips,
And pray this night
my deliverance be.
I will go,
vowed I to the Lord.
Give me the words.
Give me the courage .
I will lead the nations.
I will praise your name.
I will lead the nations.
I will praise your name.
Hoping for a Harvest
As I have thought many times, the most important thing we can do is to lead souls into Paradise.
Leading ,
listening,
witnessing,
guiding.
Archer,
shooting to the left and right.
Sins of omission and commission.
Holding your fire,
until the prey is near.
Waiting until the circumstance arrives,
then sensing what to do or say.
No need to witness,
where there is no conflict.
Rather, there are praises.
One purpose,
the Lord,
His saving seed.
I’m hoping for a harvest,
of sanctified souls.
Breaking Up Song.
From the sublime to the ridiculous.
Shlobbery, Blobbery,
Shluberry Bluberry,
Shlewberry Blueberry Blue.
Rubba De Dubba,
Zubba De Zubba,
Two fairy,
Dew fairy Dew.
I asked you so nice,
Ten times, not just twice,
to treat me like a friend.
But you bore and insult me,
degrade and default me.
so this friendship
is having to end.
I begged and I pleaded,
respects all I needed.
But you love
to hurt me inside.
So I’m gonna go
where the snowy winds blow,
cause I’ve tried ,
and I’ve tried, and I’ve tried.
So take your money
and shove it.
Your hatred and love it.
I’m over, I’m done, I’m through.
I’ve given more than my all.
Box, bag and ball.
I’m honest,
hard working and true.
But insults and grief,
with little relief,
is what I get
in return.
So I’m hitting the road,
The cock has done crowed.
And the sun
is beginning to burn.
I’m done,
it’s all over.
I see greener clover,
on the other side of the road.
So long and goodbye,
it’s high time to fly,
to lighten,
and tighten this load.
Shlobbery, Blobbery,
Shlubbery, Blubbery,
Shlewberry,
Blueberry Blue.
Rubba De Dubba,
Zubba, De Zubba,
Two Fairy,
Dew Fairy Dew.
Boing, Bong, Bing.
Zippa de Zing.
Poo Lama,
Moo Lama Pong.
To sweeter clover,
over and over,
There can be
no end to this song,
To sweeter clover,
over and over,
There can be
no end to this song,
Insight: It’s not good to try to do spells to try to effect reality. But rather pray well, live well, have strong faith and hope.
Circle
I do not know where my prayer ends and my music begins.
I do not know where my music ends, and my life begins.
I do not know where my life ends, and my prayer begins.
A Hard Week – July ‘98
I had a hard week. A practical joke, a death threat on the phone. I am not certain from who.
The drug dealers on the corner became aware of my presence. I gave them a loaf of bread on my way home from the market. They tore it pieces, and threw it in the street, demanding I bring them meat.
August 1st
I am purchasing a new van. Mom is giving me three thousand dollars. Sandra and Bob are giving me four thousand dollars. I am contributing one thousand dollars of my own. The nightmare of the junker van is over!
August 1st
I have been developing a formal business plan. This is an involved project. The research includes a search for legal guidance. And asking questions about things like tax law, insurance, equipment prices, and regulations over hiring help. It is a fascinating task. Designing a business is like designing an airplane. This one feels like it’s going to fly.
I took another crack at creating a cleaning service. Focusing on carpets and floors. I pushed it hard for two years. I found it, again, to be very stressful. I transitioned the endeavor out of cleaning, and into gardening. And there found the gardening was something I could enjoy, do well, and move forward with. I did gardening for twenty years. It worked.
Saying: Stand strong beneath the light of dawn.
Stand strong. Breathe the light of dawn.
Another Dream
When I forsaw the time of trouble just months away, I felt it was a prophetic revelation. I was wrong. As are many self proclaimed prophets of today. However, Dad’s house was just hit with an epic storm. There’s a saying, “even a broken clock is right twice a day”. Reality is in a state of flux. It could be said that reality is an illusion. I’ll always reiterate, devotion to God’s will today, will bring a better tomorrow.
I just had another dream.
My soul is fully with me.
No part of it any longer in hell.
We, mankind, are waiting
on the move of God’s hand.
There is to be a time of trouble.
There is to be a time of a great gathering of souls.
Soon, before the year 2000.
Great giants
carry the oceans and continents
on their shoulders.
Giants whose anger causes
earthquakes and hurricanes.
Giants angry at mankind’s sin.
I saw Florida, where Dad winters,
under a massive storm.
Satan tried many ways
to recapture my soul.
But praises to God,
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
And a resolve to stay clean,
kept me safe. and free from harm.
August 16th 1998 – All My Love
Before
the spinning galaxies
knew the gaze of men.
Before evening in the Garden,
when Adam walked with God.
Before the sages wisdom
bore the cell of light.
The crystalline deep reveals
a love unspeakable,
breathable,
unknowable.
Time eternal
inhales the damp velvet black.
From the absolute peace,
that followed the eternal war,
a heartbeat begins.
New Life,
God’s perfect love.
Woman,
mother,
sister,
daughter,
bride,
take shelter,
find nourishment
and peace ,
in my love.
Warriors shield,
protected castle,
thy womb,
with life within.
Mother bird,
fledgling ‘neath thy wing,
sing to the new day,
sing to new life,
begin.
Love,
Love,
Love.
I send my love,
my hope,
my prayer.
I send all my Love.
Pace Yourself
Work hard.
Eat right.
Take your vitamins.
Sleep eight hours.
Socialize.
Take recreation
Rest on Sundays.
God inspires music.
God inspires poetry.
God inspires art.
God inspires business plans.
it’s all born
of God given ideas,
God given energies,
God given opportunity.
,