A Question of Civil Rights
A question of civil rights arises. How much freedom are we willing to sacrifice for security? How deeply have insurgents penetrated our ranks? Are they studying nuclear physics in our universities? Have they informants in our military? What will have to be done to root them out? Are we ready to endure an invasion of privacy as government peers into our lives? Are we willing to allow body and home searches, long lines, and wire taps?
And consider the Muslims who are good American citizens. We need to be very careful not to treat them with violence or contempt.
It is crucial that all Americans be unified on the home front. There is absolutely no room for divisions, state side. For a nation divided against itself will not stand. Looting and pillaging upon Americans, by Americans cannot be tolerated.
We, as a nation, must begin to look inward. To purge from our common soul the sins of our lives. To purge from our common soul the sins of our nation.
My Dark Side
I do have a dark side. When we had the awesome prosperity of the late 1990’s, I believed it was because of my prayer.
Now, in the wake of 9-11-2001, I want to believe it is because this world has ignored me. And for the great suffering endured at the hands of government.
When someone is blessed, I want to believe it is because of me. When someone suffers, I want to believe it is for thoughts or deeds done against me. But in reality, it may have nothing to do with me. I may be a grandiose idiot flyspeck on the wall of absolute non-entity.
I honestly believe I’ve been called by God to be a warrior and saint. But you know, no one can truly know. Not you, nor I. And only time, and the unfolding of events will tell. The unfolding of history, which may be viewed as our dialogue with God.
We may find ourselves believing that if events favor us, it is because we have God’s favor. If we are defeated in our quest, it is because we are not right with God.
This is a very common way of viewing things. But again, this perception may be truth, or it may be folly.
Disabled
It is hard for me to accept the label “disabled”. And it is even harder for those around me to accept that my illness brings me many wonderful insights.
When I was young, acid was said to be the key to enlightenment. They didn’t tell you it can cause brain damage. Sometimes severe.
The true and safe way is to accept guidance in fasting and prayer, study, and caring for the body.
The Sparrows
What do the sparrows think when they hear an exploding bomb? What would the deer and bear think when seeing a nuclear cloud rising beyond the distant hills? Or the butterfly inhaling some horrible chemical?
What does the infant feel when infected by some hellish disease? Or the school child when looking down the barrel of a loaded gun, hearing the rumble of a tank, or seeing a building tumble?
And these horrors are wrought in the name of God.
it seems that most of this world’s evils come through the hearts and hands of men.
Dear Sandra Oct. 15,2001
Dear Sandra,
it’s the first day of bow season. I’m down at Billy’s cabin, near Portageville. I’m taking time to make things in my world right today. And working on friendships and prayer, more than killing a deer.
The weather is nice, the fall colors are bright. My way of battling the insanity in the world today, is to make my personal relationships right. Hence, this letter.
You know that I’ve spent a lot of time studying and learning about religion. We see today how religion can be used as the instrument of terror. This is a contortion of religion, not a faith properly expressed. Even my beloved Christianity, when taken to an extreme can become an evil.
I do not know what the content of your dialogue with Sarah and Katie has been. I do know , however, you are an important person in their lives.
I believe religion, properly expressed, elevates a person. Mind and body benefit. I hope you do not endeavor to undermine their faith. But help them to grow in faith. A sense of sense of faith is a good and important thing. We need to help fashion it. To create within a child a conscience, and a living force for good.
True religion is the friend of every good person. It is fanaticism we must stand against.
Our society is creating evermore laws. Rather we should teach the love of doing right.
The creation of love and peace in our world is religion properly expressed.
We have militia groups, and gangs. Policemen and soldiers beyond number. There are powers at home and abroad that want to see our way of life destroyed. And what can we do? What can I do?
Religion properly expressed, what I call “Jesus within”, says be kind to one’s neighbor, obey our laws, be prayerful. This is a good thing. It is how we can work, in a personal way, to make the world a better place.
And one day we will live in a world with no laws or weapons. Only love and faith to guide us. This is a world with religion properly expressed.
The lady bugs and little tree frogs are inside the cabin here. I hear the mice inside the walls. I’ve got plenty of kindling and fire wood. It’s going to get cold tonight. I truly feel like a monk here today.
It’s five o’clock. I’m hunting now till dark.
Love,
Michael11-12-99
Starting on notebook numbered 13
Hunting Journal 11-12-99
I just returned from Portageville. I spent five days bow hunting and scouting.
Yesterday was a day of extreme beauty. A cloudless, sunny day. Absolutely no wind. The sun was warm. The shadows frigid. First I went back on to Cartwright’s property, blind number one. I was in full camo, with my bow. For the first hour, I counted squirrels. Then a four point buck silently sauntered by. Next, a doe came nosing around. I thought, for a moment, she’d come close enough for a shot. But then it headed into the corn. Then a larger buck, with one antler came by. All three in about an hour’s time.
I wanted to stay for the rest of the day, but my feet began to freeze. So I hoofed it put to the van.
I drove up to the field on Pennycook Road. I’d built a blind there earlier in the week. I was hoping to see some deer, because I’d like another spot. Within minutes three doe came out into the field. But they seemed to sense me because they came no closer than fifty yards before galloping off. Then a couple more deer came, at last light. I have myself a good spot, if they’ll just come a little closer.
I spent a couple of evenings earlier in the week standing at the edge of the field in full camo. But they saw me. My camo contrasted unnaturally with the surrounding vegetation. So I took time on two afternoons to build a blind at the edge of the field. It covers me to shoulder height. And then I have weeds stuffed around the top to cover my face and head.
I practiced with my muzzleloader, and fired a few rounds through the deer slayer. Today I counted shells. I’m good to go.
I stayed in Billy’s camper. I got a good little heater set up there now. And a propane stove and lamp. Candles, kerosene lamp, carry in water. Last night was y first subfreezing night. I had to adjust the windows for ventilation, and slept wonderfully. We need an outhouse and a well.
11-29-99
I’ve been out with my deerslayer for four days now. I have yet to fire a shot.
The first three days of the season were hot, and the moon was full. Today the temperature plummeted. it snowed, and yet no action. Sometime I feel that killing a whitetail is like trying to kill a ghost.
This morning at dawn the squirrels had a circus. Let me note that sunrise has shown the best squirrel activity.
I’m continuing in my resolve to succeed. I’ll be in the woods at dawn tomorrow. Kent has taken two deer. Franky has taken one. Billy T. has taken one. Billy Mike and I have yet to score.
This evening I hunted the Hines property. I did not know exactly where to stand, or sit, as the case may be. I took a pail, and two blankets, as a portable and comfortable seat. But I was perplexed as to where the best places were to set up.
I noticed obvious trails and physical features of the area, and chose my place as best I could. I noticed that after sitting in a given location for awhile, secondary feature become evident. Lesser marked or as yet unnoticed trails become evident. The presence of a funnel became obvious.
It was only after sitting in the location for a while that I began to understand it, and evaluate it as a place to wait for the wily whitetail.
12-1-99
Still no deer. We’ve been hunting hard, with no success. I will go to bed early, and hunt hard again tomorrow.
12-2-99
Last day. I leave after tomorrow morning’s hunt. I feel quite discouraged. I’m going to get ready for this evening’s hunt now. Fresh socks, some food.
12-2-99 6:00pm.
It’s been dark for 45 minutes. I just missed two doe up at blind one. I’m still shaking.
After four days of nothing. Long tedious days of nothing. I was totally unprepared when the opportunity finally came. Tomorrow morning is my last chance.
I thought I heard something thrashing off in the direction the deer ran. Perhaps I’ll go back in there tonight with a flashlight.
12-2-99
Yep, I missed a great chance. I shot at a deer at 75 feet away, when there was a deer only 15 feet away that was about to come out from behind a big hardwood tree.
I admit, I was totally day dreaming. But I’d sat in the woods for four full days without seeing a single thing. I give myself credit for even being there, for not giving up and going home. As I almost did.
I resolve to be a better hunter. To stay focused always. And to never give up.
There are nineteen day left in the season, including muzzle loader. I have to go to Buffalo tomorrow to catch up on business. But with a little luck, I’ll be back again this year. It’s a cold night. I’ll check for blood and hair tomorrow.
I am a good hunter. A very good hunter. But I am human. I am excited and grateful on one hand. Upset on the other. Success is more than frosting on the cake. It is the whole cake. I will have success again soon.
12-03-99
I went back this morning to look for blood and hair, signs of a hit. Nothing. The first struck a tree, where it covered half of the vitals. I went back to where I heard the thrashing. Nothing. I am discouraged, but determined to return and try again.
12-08-99
The quest continues. I’m back in Portageville now, at the camper.
It’s ten to seven pm. And quite dark out. I have three sources of light going. A propane lamp, a kerosene lamp, and a candle. For heat, I have a catalytic heater. The outside temp is about freezing. I am comfortable.
I hunted near blind one tonight. Nothing. Hide nor hair. Mom and Dad are back at home. Worried, and slightly upset. Worried about the safety of the trailer. Angry for my taking more time to hunt.
I have planned to hunt blind one tomorrow. I am determined to succeed in this challenge. I CAN CATCH THE GHOST.
12-9-99 11:30am
I went to blind one this morning, at dawn. Cold and clear. About 20 degrees. The squirrel was great. No sign of dear. I left the blind at 9:30 am.
Back at the trailer, I said my prayers for the day. Then I had some breakfast. Next I filled the kerosene lamp and heater. Also filled the water jugs.
I need just one deer, to have the venison I need to party with my friends through the winter. My friends are counting on me. I’m going back out in a little while.
Evening. Same Day
I sat in blind one until dark. A doe passed by at 75 feet away. I let her go, waiting for a point blank opportunity. She decided to continue on up into the cornfield, where I watched her and another doe browse until full dark.
After dark I visited Rose. We had coffee and conversation. I called home, which I do every night, to let Mom know I’m safe. Rose offered me a piece of fish, which I should have taken.
Dropped in on cousin Terry. She served pasta and sauce. Kent, her husband, said the weather’s changing, and the deer will be moving. I shared some poetry. She seemed to enjoy it. I’ll be back in the woods at dawn.
In church, the man behind me told me his sons have harvested 14 deer this year. This year, as I was about to leave the blind, another hunter, also named Michael, walked up to my blind. He’s totaled four deer, so far. Three from the corner of woods that I’ve come up empty handed.
I just cannot believe I’ve been skunked. I need target practice. I have to check the sights on all my weapons. I need to learn how they shoot, up to 100 yards.
