Continuation of Journal 20 Written 2013 Typed out 4-03-24
The Sheet
I am 58 years old. My dad is 91. Through all our lives we contended. I tried to please him, but could not. He wanted a military officer, a congressman, or a brain surgeon.
I was diagnosed as chronic schizophrenic at twenty years old. I was not able to work his will.
I became very religious at a young age. My religion was seen as a symptom of mental illness, Dad wavered between atheism and agnosticism.
About a year ago I bought my first home. About a year ago he stopped being angry with me. Rather, all that mattered for this last year is that he loved me, and I loved him.
Before he died, he spoke of the portals of heaven. He handed my sister the corner of a blanket, as he lay in bed. And holding the opposite corner of the blanket, he spoke that he was going to step off into heaven. “But hold on tight” he said to sister Sandra, “in case I need to come back”.
With sister Judy, he prayed the prayer of salvation. The entire family was here for extreme unction, and the Litany of the Saints.
A year of love, and some sacred, special moments offset a whole life of contention. Sweet grace, blessed forgiveness.
12-20-13 A Short Essay on Dreams.
I have wondered for years if dreams could become a dependable source of guidance. Or are they simply random, rambling occurrences.
About three years ago I had a dream. In this dream God told me to stop praying for my father’s salvation, saying “it’s too late, he’s already dead”. But actually Dad prayed the prayer of salvation, and received last rites, before he passed on. He reported that he “could see the portals of another world”. The dream I had was untrue.
Two weeks ago I dreamed that I was informed that my financial worries would be over by Christmas. Four days ago I dreamed that I was going to win the lottery, and to buy ten tickets. I did buy the tickets, and did not win a penny.
Two months ago, I met an attractive and eager young lady. She really wanted sex, and so did I. But I had a dream not to go there. God’s voice in a dream. But was it really God’s voice? Does God want me to be alone? It’s hard to figure it all out.
Christmas 2013
To Sue
It was not you,
nor was it I.
But psychic storms
encompassing.
As if in a house of mirrors,
it was a distorted image I saw, and reacted to.
It was not you,
but wrinkles in our reality.
Thirteen Verses 12-24-13
This was written the Christmas after Dad’s death. It was a difficult time.
Peace again,
Christmas is here.
The way’s been long,
and hard this year.
At times the path
seemed dark and steep.
The winds upset,
the waters deep.
It was not you,
nor was it I.
But psychic storms
passing by.
As in a house
of magic mirrors,
image warped,
and filled with fears.
A gray November,
Father’s death.
His last words,
his last breath.
We held his hand,
and kissed his face.
Sorrow, grief,
but there was grace.
He saw the gates,
the world to be.
He taught us all,
integrity.
Now peace again,
at Christmas time.
Comfort, warmth,
a song, a rhyme.
And now again,
a gentle flame,
illuminates
our hearts, our name.
We shall have joy,
we shall be well.
Raise the chalice,
ring the bell.
Sing the song.
Pray the prayer.
Let happiness,
fill the air.
Peace again.
Christmas is here.
All good things
this coming year.
Peace again.
Christmas is here.
All good things
to you this year.
Thought for Facebook
The world teaches that greatness is succeeding in the quest for wealth and fame.
The monastics teach that greatness is living a life of self control, full of prayer and good deeds.
2-18-15 Journal Entry
As I prayed, I saw deep red roses.
Thousands of deep red roses.
Pulsing fluidly,
passing through my arteries and veins.
It has been a bright calm day.
Sun on snow.
I am at peace,
and certain I am the path to Heaven.
Prayer is creation.
Good deeds are creation.
Art, in all it’s vanity, perhaps not so.
Once you’ve been homeless,
part of you is always homeless.
Once you’ve been on the ward,
part of you is always on the ward.
We are either medicine,
or bad drugs for one another.
Be good medicine.
reconsecrate each day.
Meet each situation as it arises.
Real faith is not a normal, common, ordinary thing. Real faith is more than mentally acknowledging the existence of God. It is a peaceful internal state that allows good things to come to pass.
For most people, emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing require the presence of family and close friends. There is emptiness and disease without the presence and love of others.
A man is strengthened by the true love of a good woman. When she cooks and feeds him, he is fortified. As she keeps warm at night, his stamina is built. As she loves him, he is kept well.
Journal Entry Mom’s Final Days 7-22-16
Mom has been back at the senior residence for about a month. She now has 24 hour care. I’ve been tending to her needs. Shopping, check writing, laundry. Sue is helping with the bill writing. Demands on my time are much less at this time.
8-15-16
Driving in from the lake house to the senior residence for Mom’s dental emergency.
8-22-16
Mom is coming home from the hospital today. I have been attending to her needs on a daily basis. She is very weak, in much pain, and hallucinating. In her hallucinations she is preparing a feast for the family at October Lane. I have been with her since Monday. It is Friday.
This may be Mom’s final illness. We’ll be calling hospice for an evaluation. Sandra has the health care proxy. Judy has the power of attorney. They have not been available to talk.
Hunting Fishing Journal 2013
Typed out 4-08-24
I’m getting down to the bottom of one stack of journals. There’s twenty five journals in this stack. It feels good to have accomplished something. About 250,000 words. I’m looking forward to response from my readers.
3-26-13
Sue and I went up to Waterport dam. A group of three young fishermen in waders told us they had caught several today on Jenson eggs. Also known as Mike’s Atomic eggs. They reported having landed several steelhead wading Marsh creek.
Our next stop was Narby’s. The clerk shared that the browns are in close on the thick schools of baitfish. Bullhead and perch will be picking up soon, as the waters warm in to the forties.
He directed us to Sawyer’s Road Bridge, and Bill’s Road Bridge on Marsh Creek road. Marsh creek can be accessed wading from these bridges.
A young lady was looking down into the water from Sawyer Road Bridge. She pointed to a school of fifteen, twenty four inch steelies, holding downstream of the bridge. She shared that large salmon run up Marsh Creek in the fall.
I asked her about yellow perch action nearby. She said there is presently good action in Long and Cranberry Pond. Located east. On the parkway.
Sunday 4-07-13
I’ve visited the dam several times. Good numbers of steelies are caught regularly.
The fishermen with center pin rigs and fly rods are usually the most successful. They use single eggs, and small to mid size flies in white, blue and black. Orange yarn eggs are also producers.
I saw one eighteen inch brown landed from Johnson Creek at route 18. On a worm under a bobber. I was down there this evening and had one solid hookup on a three inch white tube on a lead head. It was trophy size, though it threw the hook before I could id it. At last light I landed a 12 inch sucker. It was a fat clean fish.
I scouted out the Clark’s Mills access to the Oak Orchard at Saint Mary’s Archery Club.
Johnson Creek at route 18 would be a good place to launch a canoe. Johnson could be fished downstream to the lake.
The catch and release ethic is catching on. However I have a problem. I have watched at least twenty beautiful trophies caught and released this winter and spring. Many of these fish have been beat up, through careless handling, before they made to back to the water. We, all fishermen, must learn to skillfully and carefully get the fish back into the water. Without letting it roll in the dirt, squeezing its gills, or holding it vertically.
I thought it was interesting that the name of the archery club on the Oak Orchard is “Saint Mary’s”.
4-09-13
Last night I fished the last hour of daylight on Johnson Creek at route 18. With a large white tube bait, I hooked up ten times. But only landed one fish. This seventeen incher was by far one of the smaller ones. The caliber of this evening’s fishing was astronomical. But the hook was too small, and obscured by the oversize bait.
As I reeled in after the last hookup, I noticed a carps scale impaled on the hook point. The scale was larger than a quarter dollar. The fish must have weighed fifty pounds.
4-10-13
I scouted out Johnson Creek, at the Blood Road Bridge. The water was too low and too clear. An old salt was there and landed a large sucker under the bridge.
Then I went back to last night’s spot on Johnson Creek. There was a cigar smoking angler there fishing with white and yellow crappie flies. He landed one brown, one northern, and three bass. Small, white and yellow flies, 18 inches under a bobber.
Another fisherman showed up, telling me he was just out of the Marines. He told me that he wanted to fish, but left his poles at home. I lent him one of mine. He landed a 12 inch bass, and a 20 inch northern.
Just before dark another angler came paddling upstream in a kayak. He’d caught six trout, six bass, and a pike. He was using spinner baits.
4-12-13
It’s been raining hard. I’ve stayed in to work on things. Sorting, cleaning, vacuuming, dusting. Pushing through all the inside tasks. I had a worker on earlier this week to help with the outside cleanup. A lot has been accomplished. A lot left to do.
4-23-13
Yesterday evening I spent two hours fishing Johnson Creek at route 18, in the rain. Using the same white tube baits, I hooked up seven times, and landed five nice smallmouths. I used a larger hook. 4/0.
Today I checked out the state land at Lakeside on Johnson Creek. The spring run on the perch and bullhead has begun. The word is that the bite has been good, but only a few were caught when I was there. I did see two five pound carp landed when I was there. I have to work tomorrow, so back to Amherst tonight.
May 4th and 5th, 2013.
The last few days have been pleasant. Mild spring weather, tulips and daffodils in bloom.
I went down to Johnson Creek yesterday morning at seven o’clock. On my second cast, I tail hooked a huge carp. With my net up in the truck, it took me a full half hour to land the fish. When the monster was finally played, I ran up to the van as fast as I could, praying the locomotive sized monster would not take off with my rod and reel.
I did net the trophy, photographed and released it. I estimate its weight to be about thirty pounds.
I was back here at the house by 8:00 am., to meet a worker I had hired for the day. We worked outside until 3:00 pm. Tommy and Avia showed up at 4:30. We launched the canoe on Johnson Creek at 5:30. Avia caught a 20 inch northern, and two rockies. Tommy tail hooked and landed.a twenty four inch carp, and two rockies. I caught an eight inch perch. We reloaded the canoe and were back at the house at last light.
I have to go back to Mom and Dad’s tonight. We’re landscaping all week in Amherst.
Sat. 6-08-13
Tommy and Avia came up Wednesday afternoon, stayed overnight. We fished the Oak Orchard, below the dam. We pushed off from the launch ramp at Fishermen’s Cove.
The bite was very slow. Avia foul hooked a large sunny. I caught a 10 inch largemouth on a half of a night crawler under a float, near the shore.
We attempted to anchor mid river a few times. But the river was deeper than the twenty foot length of the anchor line.
We saw swans, muskrats, a king fisher, turtles and many surfacing fish.
9-07-13
I’ve been busy with the house. Installing landscape timbers, trimming trees, readying the yard and drive for stone. My landscaping customers in the city are needing my help. Mom and Dad as well.
I’ve been up to the dam, and the fishermen’s park a few times. I’ve caught bass, a northern, and a lot of sunnies and rockies.
Today, Tommy and Avia were my guests. We fished the dam, and had lots of fun. We caught one white bass, two white perch, two small mouths, and about fifteen sunnies.
Tommy and Avia stayed for dinner. We had a great conversation. Here are some of things we talked about. WE ARE PRAYER WARRIORS, STRIVING FOR JUSTICE AND PEACE ON EARTH.
LIFE IS LIKE FISHING DOWN THE RIVER IN ROW BOAT. EVERY TURN SHOWS YOU SOMETHING NEW.
DECIDING TO WEAR A WHITE HAT MAY SEEM LIKE AN EASY DECISION, BUT IT IS HARD TO KEEP A WHITE HAT CLEAN.
DON’T ASPIRE TO BE GREAT. JUST BE GREAT. LIVE A LIFE FULL OF PRAYER AND GOOD DEEDS.
FISISHERMEN, KEEP THE LINES UNTANGLED.
WE SEE THE SAINT’S HALO IN CLASSICAL ART. A SAINT’S AURA IS CREATED BY PRAYER AND GOOD DEEDS.
10-06-13
The salmon run is peeking. Hundreds of fishermen. Thousands of fish.
I have seen hundreds of fish hooked and landed. However, I have not landed a single fish. As if circumstances are mocking me. To the left, a fisherman gets his foot tangled in a broken line. He brings it in with a legally hooked 25 pound king on the end. To the right two school boys are fishing. One hooks a 25 pound king. The other put his net in the water. The fish swims right into the net.
Many fishermen succeed on dumb luck alone. Many fail by luck alone. But many succeed by science and technology.
The fishermen using the center pin rigging have a highly evolved technique. They are consistently successful. And not only with salmon, but with steel head and browns as well. I have not caught a trout or salmon since last March. The center pin fishermen are catching twenty or more fish a day, consistently, all year.
Tommy fished the Waterport Dam with me yesterday. He figured a rigging that was getting a lot of hits. A florescent jig head with a yellow egg sack on the hook. But the salmon were breaking off consistently. He needs to upgrade to a better line. Avia hooked up once again, and broke off.
Cousin Billy was supposed to meet me at the dam at six o’clock this morning. At seven thirty he called me to tell me he was at the wrong dam. He was at Burt Dam in Newfane. He said he’d get right over to Waterport. But we never crossed paths. At three thirty in the afternoon, he called to apologize. Smoke another joint.
10-13-13
As Christians we are often talking about the importance of a positive confession. Well, we have not yet landed a fish. But we will soon!
There are hundreds of fishermen up at the dam. Thousands of huge fish being caught. Though circumstances still mock me.
There was a retarded boy there today, with his dad and brothers. The brothers would hook a fish and then hand the pole to the disabled boy. And he, with their help, would reel it in.
Then a group of eight Japanese arrived on the scene. They could barely cast their lines, and caught nothing. But one of the successful fishermen gave them a thirty pound king. And they were pleased, for sure!
Tommy and I configured and reconfigured. We duplicated every possible successful configuration. Yet we came up empty handed. Tom and I talked this over. We resolved to keep our chin up, and to be chipper. I did not get my way. That’s life.
Sharing all this with Dad, we attempt to comprehend the anatomy of luck. It has something to do with energy fields. But not necessarily goodness and holiness. Sometimes drinking, smoking, swearing fishermen catch the most. Thought I am not going to sin against God in hopes of catching more fish.
KEEP ON THE SUNNY SIDE!
May Third 2014 fish tally: So far this year.
From Johnson Creek: One bass, one sucker, one perch.
From Marsh Creek: thirteen chubs
5-13-14
I fished all winter, in an attempt to land my first steel head. Though I saw many fine fish landed, I did not catch any myself. I mimicked the rigging of the successful fishermen. I duplicated the rigging shown in the FFG magazine. I did hook up once, just once.
The waters below the Waterport Dam stay open all winter, though access can be slippery. The dam is policed, and highly regulated. Cables, lights, sirens, as well as 24 hour camera surveillance has been installed. There is manned security detail on constantly. I was strongly reprimanded for fishing beyond the safety cable.
This last winter was severe. Getting in and out of the house was often near impossible. I got stranded here for five days in February. The snow pack partially melted. And when it refroze, the neighborhood became a sheet of ice. Driving was completely impossible. After Five days Ken Lonen came by with his plow, and got me out.
Ken also handled the power outage here at Christmas time for me. He came over with a generator in the back of his truck, and pumped out the basement, before it swamped the furnace. Mom and I were with Sue in the Catskills. Ken saved the day.
The spring weather is finally getting here. I’ve fished the park, Johnson Creek in Lakeside, a few times. In fact, I’ve seen some good action on perch and suckers. I released a nice small mouth, and kept a nice sucker to cook. It’s flesh was bony but tasty. It’s roe was delicious.
Last time here I caught 13 chubs up in Marsh Creek. I would have kept them in a bait pail, to use as pike bait, but the landscape business is thriving this year, and customers are waiting. I’m hoping this is the sign we’ve been waiting for.
I cut the lawn for the third time this year, yesterday. It had been ten days. A bit too long. I had to cut, lower the deck, and recut , crossways. A chore.
But I slept in this morning, resting for the next big push in Amherst. All the new customers are coming in in the Amherst area. This house is in Carlton, fifty miles away. How am I going to make this work?
7-20-14
I drove Mom to Sue’s place in Roxbury, N.Y. for niece Kate’s wedding. It was a grand occasion. Food and festivities for a king. Quail eggs, broiled snapper, filet mignon, just to begin. The 300 plus mile drive went well, but it was hard on the knees.
We snuck out to fish three times. I took nephew Vin out in the canoe, on the East Branch of the Delaware. We landed one 17 inch pickerel and one 8 inch bullhead. Vin was good, patient, and paddling when needed.
Then I took Vin and Noah up to the pond behind Sue’s. The bass are hungry there. We landed twenty fish from 7 to 16 inches,in two and a half hours.
I’d hoped to get out again, on a different section of the East Branch, but time did not permit.
My fishing here at the Lake House is at an impasse. The streams are difficult to fish this time of year, and the open water requires a big rig. So how am I going to meet this impasse? I’m checking out kayaks, and have initiated dialogue with a captain who fishes out of Point breeze.
I did hook a small northern on Johnson Creek on Friday. On a purple rubber worm.
11-03-14
The long awaited break through has begun!
Dana, came and stayed for a week. Our first forage was on the Oak Orchard, downstream of the dam. The water was low and clear. The salmon were in by the thousands. Some were in the desired green phase. Some were black and white, past prime. The bottom was strewn with spent carcasses. When one would hook up, the huge salmon would take off like an express train. Hooks would straighten, and rods would snap. I broke off fifteen times before finally landing one of the Oak Orchard monsters
Small schools of huge fish would rest in the riffles and holes, and then move on. They were skittish, and would scatter with sudden movements. One could target, and cast to, a fresh looking salmon, and cast to it until it either moved on, or was hooked.
There were good numbers of browns, and some steel head. We landed ten Chinook. The last and largest a 42 inch behemoth from Sandy creek.
After we harvested all we could use, we scouted out Sandy Creek. It’s a narrow, clean, and prolific fishery. We were there scouting for browns and steelies. However the one and only fish we caught was the 42 inch Chinook.
I stalked and casted to this King. After several casts, it flared its gills and inhaled the egg sack. As it started to swim away, I set the hook. And the insanity began. After a long fight, and several attempts, Dana got a net under it, and up on the bank.
Dana and I work well together. He helps with chores, and with computer things. And we listen to Bible teachings in the evenings. He left at 2:00 am this morning. He’s already back in Oklahoma, with his haul of delicious salmon fillet.
Tues. 12-16-14 11:00pm.
I took a nice buck at first light on opening day of gun season. Up in the cornfield behind the garden center. It was just before Thanksgiving. We went down to Portageville for a holiday feast, and stopped to visit Dad’s grave on the way. The sky cleared, and a rainbow appeared as we pulled into the cemetery.
Dinner at Greg’s was a true feast. They’d taken several deer off the back porch. Cody had killed a moose, up in Maine. He gave me four packages of frozen moose meat. Then cousin Lynn, whose daughter Jenna works at a butcher shop in Portageville loaded me up with all sorts of wonderful meats. Breakfast and summer sausage, hot dogs and salami made from venison. And three ham butts, which I’ll use in soup.
The freezer is quite full now, with salmon, venison, moose and hams. The next goal is to get some trout and some squirrels.
June 8, 2015
This last winter was severe. I did not venture out. Roads were frozen and blocked with snow. I spent the winter in my studio, on a study of the steelhead.
We had a broken water line here at the lake house. The floor and part of the walls, insulation, and siding had to be torn out and replaced.
And winter lingered.
When things finally warmed up, I went down to the state land on Johnson Creek. Over the warm up I got a 30 inch carp, a large lake sucker, and a bullhead. I fried the suckers eggs. They popped in the frying pan like pop corn, and made quite a mess. But were quite tasty. My fishing companions on Johnson Creek led me over to the Kenyonville bridge over Lake Alice.
The other fishermen there were doing well catching bluegill under a bobber. I rigged a snelled number four hook above a ¾ ounce sinker, and fished on the bottom. I took 19 white perch, and two bullheads. This made several generous dinners. Breaded and fried, of course.
I’ve been down to the bridge four times since. The action has cooled.
6-15-15
There are definitely changes in the wind. Two more visits to the bridge with no luck. This evening there were many large fish surfacing. They acted as if they were swatting insects near the surface. Until almost dark, I fished the same way I have been. Ten minutes before dark, I cut off the number four hook, and ¾ oz. sinker. I tied on a brown wooly bugger with two bb split shot 15 inches from the fly. I caught two fish in five casts, a 9 inch shiner, and my first crappie, before it was time to go home.
Oh, yea. I did land a 19” large mouth at Kenyonville Bridge. On a night crawler.
6-18-15
Success! A yellow woolly bugger, with a 1” chunk of night crawler, and two bb split shot fifteen inches up the line, and no bobber. I caught eight white perch, and lost at least five. The five were lost because the hook was too small. The little chunk of night crawler obscured the hook point, preventing a consistent hook set.
Also note that a landowner, Mr.Hoffman, on Waterport Pond, gave me permission to launch my canoe from his property.
9-07-15
Dave, from church, and I put in on the Oak Orchard, at Townline Road. We had a 6:15 appointment, and I overslept. I threw on my clothes, jumped into the van, and took off. He was patiently waiting for me at Kenyonville Bridge. I hit a curbstone as I parked, and damaged a door on the van.
Dave was casting a white spinner bait, and landed the first keeper. A 13 inch small mouth. I followed with an 18 incher, and several a little smaller. Even though we were in hot spot, we pulled anchor, and floated downstream. About three hundred yards downstream, I reanchored, and started on the bluegills. One more legal bass, and bluegills beyond counting. We kept three bass, and fifteen sunnies. We were back by noon. I kept all the fish. They took two hours to clean.
I’m off to Amherst, now. There’s several garden customers to attend to.
Sept. 2015
Bob Burdick and I loaded up the canoe and gear, and headed up to Kiwassa. We slept in the state lean-to for three nights. We fished the Saranac River for perch, and smoked ‘em. A lot of small perch, with a good number of keepers. Cleaning the catch fell to me. And we fried fish on the campfire.
Bob spent his afternoons in the woods hunting. It was bear season. I fished through the afternoons. Before dark each day we gathered firewood, with good, long fires in the each night. Bob presided over meals, with Mountain House dehydrated trail foods. I must comment that they are quite good.
The weather was good, with leaves about 15% turned.
We’re both 60 years old now. And realizing that we must employ wisdom and care where once was youthful exuberance.
October 2015
Dave and I launched kayaks last week on the upper Oak Orchard, in the Alabama swamps. Though the water was high and turbid, we hooked four and landed two northern pike. One of the pike was in the 27 inch class. It threw the hook as it cleared water by twelve inches. We’re getting more comfortable handling the canoe and kayaks.
October 31, 2015
Dana left this morning. He spent a week here fishing the salmon run. Between the two of us, we caught eight salmon, and were given two. Dana had fifty pounds of fillet to bring back to Oklahoma.
The crowd at Waterport Dam was thick. However the crowd thins out as one wades downstream. The salmon were in limited numbers, until the rains came last Wednesday. After the rains, the fish were in great numbers. Unbelievable numbers. But despite the great numbers, they are quick and strong and heavy, and very much a challenge to hook and land.
We waited for a turn to fish a specific riffle on the river. Finally the fisherman moved on, and we got our chance. However, a young man moved into our spot, and began to fish. I went over to talk to him, to make him aware of the rules. I explained that one should ask before setting up on another fisherman’s spot. “We’re Christians, I told him, and we’re not going to kick you out, but your using bad form, bad manners. “But. but, but”, he said “I’m born again, baptized, and baptized in the Holy Spirit”. We left the stream.
We scouted out Beardsly Creek, Yanti Creek, and Sandy Creek as it passes under route 18, about 20 mile east of the Lake House.
12-14-15
When I bought this the house, the Lake House, it was for the fishing. I did not realize I was moving into a hunting mecca as well. I was totally surprised to discover that the woods in back are full of deer and squirrels. And geese fly over by the thousands.
There is one more week of hunting left, muzzle loader. But I have three in already. Two I processed myself. The third is at the cutter now. The Spirit told me not to butcher the third deer myself. That my energy and aura need to be channeled in another direction.
I promised Mom that I was done for the year. But what a temptation to uncase the gun, and step into the woods.
Dave, from church, walked me through the processing of the first two deer. And I wanted to do the third. But divine light said “no”.
Anyway, I got the install of the washer and drier done today. And a Mennonite carpenter has agreed to install the wood burner. Daniel Aucker. Were moving toward self sufficiency and preparedness.
